Failure to Communicate
by lost highway
Summary: 300 years of a volatile relationship. Two emotionally stunted, but intelligent men who are secretly in love with each other. Something's gotta give. Written for Kakairu Remix Summer Round on livejournal! Based off of beasiesgal's 'Observations.'


**Remix Title:** Failure to Communicate (The Observations Remix)  
><strong>Remix Author:<strong> troublesome_JV  
><strong>Remixed art title:<strong> Observations by beasiesgal  
><strong>Remixed authorartist:** beasiesgal  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG-15ish  
><strong>Contains:<strong> Mutants, superpowers.  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> ~3200  
><strong>Summary:<strong> 300 years of a volatile relationship. Two emotionally stunted, but intelligent men who are secretly in love with each other. Something's gotta give.

**A/N: This ended up taking a very, very strange turn into X-men land. As always, beasiesgal's work was so much fun to remix. I couldn't decide for the longest time which of her amazing works to choose. And a big thanks to faorism who beta-ed my fic!**

Iruka Umino fumed as he stomped out of the gym. He had had it with Kakashi Hatake. That infuriating idiot could take his smirks and smugness and stuff it where the sun don't shine. Iruka could understand this behavior in his students, but as a grown man? It was a miracle he hadn't exploded before this.

He viciously slammed the door of his office shut. He usually kept it open to encourage students to come in and ask questions, but right now he was pretty sure that he would snap at the first person to walk through the door. And that might result in a visit from a parent or worse, Ms. Tsunade. No, it was better to pretend that he wasn't available. Besides, after that outburst in the gym, he doubted that anyone would want to come and talk to him.

A light knocking on his door brought him out of his musing. He groaned. This would happen to him. "Enter."

"Sensei?" A golden head peered around the corner. "I know you're probably really mad, but I just had some questions."

Iruka sighed before nodding. "Come in, Naruto. What do you need?"

"I have to translate and read these pages of Don Quixote for Ebisu-sensei by tomorrow. I'm half way through, but I need help." Iruka sighed. He really didn't want to dredge up memories of old Spanish. But one look at Naruto's hopeful eyes, he forced a grin and nodded.

With Naruto working busily by his side, Iruka managed to push away memories of earlier in the day. He smiled down at the boy in front of him. Naruto never failed to raise his spirits; he always had an infectious smile on his face and a kind word for everyone.

_I should probably treat him to some dinner. It's been a while since I've spent time with him._

"Sensei?" Iruka hummed to indicated he was listening. "You know that Kakashi-sensei doesn't mean half the things he says right? That he just likes to annoy everyone?"

Iruka sighed. "Yes, I do. But it doesn't make it any easier. Especially when he knows exactly which buttons to push."

"But that's his power isn't it?" Naruto asked. "To be able to sense people's weaknesses and then use their own emotions against them? Isn't that why he's the instructor for Tactics and Strategy?"

Iruka sighed again. "Yes, but you should never misuse your power. That's the reason we're persecuted, because people like Madara chose to use their power to harm."

Naruto nodded before returning to his translation. Iruka's eyes softened as they took in the boy. If anything, Naruto knew better than anyone else how powers could harm rather than protect. He smiled as he saw fangs creep out above the boy's lips.

"Naruto, your fangs are showing." Naruto blushed as he quickly vanished them. Kyuubi was a vast power. Iruka had been amazed the first time he met Naruto. The boy had near flawless control over the ever churning power; the only things that showed that he had a power were the peculiar whisker marks on his cheeks and the occasional appearance of a fang. It took wild extremes of emotional stress to break Naruto's control. But here, at Konoha Academy, there were many people who could help control it. Naruto was no longer the lost little boy from his past.

Another light tapping on his door had Naruto and Iruka looking up.

"Sensei, have you seen- che, I've been looking everywhere for you dobe." Sasuke Uchiha stood regally in the doorway, his grey black wings pinned tightly to his back. "We have practice."

Naruto yelped as he looked at the time. "Sorry Sensei! I gotta go!"

Iruka smiled as both boys left. You wouldn't be able to tell that the two of them were the most powerful Shinobi to exist by looking at them. The raging storm that was Kyuubi had been channeled for over two centuries by Naruto as a power for healing. He was one of Tsunade's prodigies; there was almost nothing in the world that the boy couldn't cure. Sasuke, well Sasuke had been born to live in the sky. Along with his powerful black wings, he had the power to control weather, specifically lightening. He too had come a long way from accidently electrocuting people as a child. As two orphans of the war, the boys had bonded, albeit reluctantly, with each other and were now inseparable. Iruka grinned, as he heard the far off cry of 'WHAT TEME! I'll kill you!'

He turned back to his own work. He grimaced as he picked up Konohamaru's essay. His paper was about 250 words too short. _That boy really needs to know that I have perfected every technique of lengthening an essay without actually writing more words, years ago._

"Iruuuuuuuukaaaaaaaaaa!" Iruka groaned as Kotetsu bounced into his room. Why didn't people leave him in peace? "Are you still pouting in here?"

"I am not pouting!" Iruka snapped back. "I was trying to get some work done."

"Oh come on, man. It's Friday!" Kotetsu said happily. "Let's go pick up some humans at the bar."

Iruka groaned again. He just couldn't catch a break. "I don't wanna."

Kotetsu mock-gasped. "Iruka, you haven't gotten laid in three whole weeks! At this rate, you won't be able to get it up anymore! You're not getting any younger you know."

"I can get it up just fine thanks," Iruka growled. "And hitting on humans makes me feel like a pedophile."

Kotetsu scoffed. "Please, it's not like you look six hundred years old. Hey, if I was a hot, young human, I'd totally go for you. Besides, you know all the teacher-kinky shit that's going on these days."

Iruka's cheeks blazed as he remembered that one time he slept with a man who got off on the 'intimidating-teacher-voice.' It had been hot as hell, but he wasn't able to face his class without a blush for over two weeks.

"Besides, it's kind of a reunion. Everyone from the war is gonna be there! So I'll see you there."

Childishly, Iruka stuck out his tongue as Kotetsu pranced out the room. _The War_, he thought as he continued his correcting. There were so few of them left. _250 years,_ he thought, _that's how long it's been since then. 250 years of peace._ He hadn't thought that it would have been possible after the devastation caused by Madara. He sighed again.

_I suppose I should go._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Fire, fire everywhere. It was inescapable. No matter how fast he ran, it was right at his heels. He knew what was causing it. Nine fiery tails were swirling around an infant. But more important was the man whose own black power had a choke-hold over the tails. They moved to his bidding, razing everything it touched to the ground. They had to get to the man or the child._

_"Get down!" Someone shouted from somewhere. He could feel the power of the Kyuubi as it swept above him. There was a thud and everything to his left was destroyed, ravaged to the ground within seconds. There weren't even any bodies left of the people unlucky to be caught in the line of fire. Then suddenly, he saw an opening._

_He flew across the battleground to the baby's side. He looked helplessly at the whirling mass of energy that was parting just enough for a blond mop of hair to be seen. Desperately he plunged his hands in, screaming as skin and muscle was peeled away._

_But then suddenly, there was nothing. He watched in amazement as the energy grew to surround him. He looked down into the bluest eyes he'd ever seen._

_The baby gurgled and clasped what was left of his arms. Miraculously the skin and bone began to grow back and within seconds, it was as if nothing had happened to his hands. Iruka lifted his hands towards his face, inspecting the new skin. Any mark, any nick, any scar from any previous injury was gone. Another happy gurgle came from the baby._

_He reached toward the child up warily, unsure as to how to reduce its power. As soon as he touched him, his power flared wildly. Instinctively, Iruka wrapped himself around the child and there was an instantaneous decrease in power. Iruka tightened his arms around the baby, feeling the power decrease even more. He pulled away and smiled at the now cooing child._

_The next thing Iruka knew, there was a sword piercing through his back and coming out his front. The child screamed._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"IRUKA!" Iruka shot up in bed, panting and drenched in sweat. His back twinged. He glanced over at the time. 6:12pm.

"IRUKA!" Iruka groaned as Anko banged on his door. That woman was really a nuisance and it had doubled ever since she had declared herself his older sister. He quickly pulled on a pair of boxers before stalking over to the door.

"What?"

"Why aren't you ready yet?" She exclaimed."We're meeting in two hours."

"And it takes me 15 minutes to get ready."

"But you need to look hot. Kakashi's going to be there!" Iruka felt a weight settle in his stomach. Anko's eyes softened as she took in Iruka's expression.

"Come on Iruka, it wouldn't hurt to try."

"He's made it clear for the past 300 years that he could care less," Iruka said bitterly. "Nothing's going to change in one night."

Anko sighed. "Okay then. How about we get some food then? My treat."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_The power flared suddenly, confusing Madara. An opening, finally!_

_A ball of lighting moved rapidly towards the man, hitting him square on the chest. It wasn't enough to kill the man, but it was enough to make him lose control of three of the tails. Wild power whipped around him for a moment before retreating suddenly. He ducked, and felt more than saw the three of the tails disappearing. But how?_

_He lifted his head just as Madara brought his sword down on top of where he supposed the baby was. But that didn't make any sense._

_He heard the gut wrenching scream before he saw the sword thrust through a familiar tan body. His stomach dropped out as Iruka Umino hunched over, blood pouring from the wound caused by Madara's sword. The Kyuubi's power lashed out again, more powerful than ever. But instead of razing the ground, it attacked Madara, three tails plunging into his body, pinning him in place._

_He was on his feet before he knew it, his own sword drawn out as he rushed toward the immobile Madara. But even as Kakashi thrust his sword into Madara's chest, a tail wrapped around the man's neck and cleanly snapped it. Red eyes glazed over as the body fell limply. But already, it was too late. Iruka's blood was gushing over his fingers._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Wind lightly teased his brow and he opened his eye carefully, taking in the graceful figure of Kurenai.

"Memories?"

Kakashi only nodded as he stared at the large War memorial. He eyes ran over the names of his fallen comrades. His best friends, his mentors, his family.

"Sarutobi would've loved to see how they've grown up, don't you think?" She settled herself next to Kakashi. "He would have been tickled to see how Asuma dotes on Shikamaru like his own son."

Kakashi smiled gently. He let his head lean back onto the tree behind him. It was nice to raise the youngsters in a time of peace.

"Since it's 8:30, I figured that I should come and tell you that your presence is requested."

"I'm not in the mood tonight."

"But it's a reunion! Everyone's going to be there!" Kurenai protested. "Besides, think of it as your time to talk to Iruka."

"What are you talking about?" Kurenai gave him an incredulous look.

"For starters, you should tell him that you don't hate him. And that you've loved him since he was a part of your platoon for the war. And that you're not actually an asshole."

Kakashi winced. "It wasn't supposed to be like this."

"And now you've gone too far. Yes, yes, I've heard the story before. Did you ever think that maybe you should apologize and explain everything."

"I'll look like an idiot."

"What's more important, your pride or setting things straight with the man you've loved for the past 300 years?" Kurenai dusted herself off as she stood up. "Think about it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_White, everything was so white. And everything hurt so much. He could feel the strain on his lungs as he struggled to draw in a breath. A plastic device covered his mouth and he faded out of existence again._

_The next time he woke, it was to two arguing voices. One sounded so familiar and the other, not so much. He tried to decipher the words, he could only grasp soft syllables that made no sense. He groaned and the voices ceased immediately before a single grey eye swam across his vision._

_"Ksh…" he trailed off as his eyes fell shut again. But this time, he knew he was safe._

_The next time he woke up, he was feeling much better, but still not well enough to move. He took in the sterile walls, the wires plugged into him, and finally, the small blond baby curled up in a chair next to his bed. He looked familiar, but he just couldn't place him. Strained from the effort, his eyes rolled back and he fell asleep again._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Iruka grinned happily as he listened to Anko tell greatly exaggerated stories of the war. She was almost as bad as Naruto in that sense. He laughed when she ranted to him about his misuse of powers. He couldn't help it; he was a shape-shifter; a master of disguise. And infamously known as the Master of Pranks. To top it all off, he had a photographic memory. And although he had held a high position as resident spymaster, there were some days when he couldn't resist teasing others, if only to raise morale.

"…one day I'll get you back for that."

Iruka laughed. "You haven't been able to 'get me back' for over 500 years. What makes you think this is going to be any different?"

Anko growled and playfully shoved Iruka out the restaurant doors. Chuckling, they both headed over to the local bar, eager to meet everyone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Here's to 250 years of peace!" Asuma roared over the crowd that had gathered. "Let's have 250 more!"

"Hear, hear!" Came an answering chorus. Clinks from glasses were heard all around before someone called for more shots.

Iruka groaned as the table began to swim hazily around him. How many shots had he had again? And where was Anko? The last time he saw her, she had been sucking face with Yamato. He grimaced, now Ebisu and _Izumo_ were huddled in a corner, hands nowhere to be seen. He turned around, head spinning too much for what he thought was a slow turn. Suddenly, he found himself with a lapful of Kakashi.

"I can't stand up." Kakashi looked pitiful as one of his puppies as he slid against Iruka. Iruka, not finding this scenario out of the ordinary, grabbed his thighs and pulled into a straddling position. "Hey… you know you've got a scar on your nose don't ya?"

And with that, Kakashi pressed his lips against Iruka's, moaning softly at the contact. Iruka stiffened at the contact before melting into the kiss. Something told him that this was not quite right, but he couldn't pull himself away from the hard planes of Kakashi's body and the heady feeling of his kisses.

Kakashi slumped even further into him, pressing him tightly to the table as he looped his arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Iruka could feel the hard edge of the table pressing into his back, but he could care less as he wrapped his arms around Kakashi, pulling him in tighter. One hand traveled up Kakashi's back, thrusting itself into his hair, pulling him closer.

Iruka moaned as Kakashi bit his neck, hard. Kakashi was pressed so tightly against him that there wasn't any room for air. He was feeling light headed from the lack of oxygen to his brain, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop. A hand slipped under his shirt and pinched a nipple roughly. Iruka gasped and bucked into Kakashi's hip, reveling at the hardness he felt. Suddenly, the other man was ripped off of him. Iruka managed to prop himself up on his elbows, his eyes glazed over as he tried to figure out what just happened.

"As much as you're enjoying yourself, a bar is not the place for fornication," Ibiki's rough voice cut through the air. Iruka blushed before standing up. "Go get a goddamn room."

Kakashi grinned sloppily before grabbing Iruka and dragging him out of the bar, whistles and catcalls following. Before Iruka knew it, he was being pushed through a doorway as hands fumbled with his pants. He was roughly shoved against a door as his shirt was pulled off of him. His legs threatened to give out, and he leaned heavily against the door, not completely unaware of the picture he made, naked and panting. An equally naked body crushed against him and his gasps were drowned in a hard kiss.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh for the love of god, turn it off, _turn it off_."

Iruka groaned as a voice filtered through his head. He was going to beat the crap out of whoever was moaning next to him, but perhaps he'd first shift into a mouse. At least then he could bury into a nice warm, dark place with ease. "Shut the fuck up."

All movement next to him stilled. Iruka raised his head an inch and blinked blearily. And promptly fell out of bed.

"Iruka?" Oh god, it really was Kakashi. He had hoped and hoped that it was just a hallucination of one of his more vivid dreams. "Did we- last night- I…"

"Yeah, yeah we did." Iruka blushed as last night's memories began to trickle in slowly. He shivered when he remembered how he had fucked and gotten fucked more times than he could count. "Um, well, good morning?"

And just as Iruka was planning the best escape route out of wherever the hell he was, Kakashi laughed.

And just like that, the tension was broken. Iruka gaped as Kakashi laughed harder as he pulled him up onto the bed.

"Do you know that I've waited for over 300 years to get you in bed with me? I should have gotten you drunk sooner," he mumbled as an afterthought.

Iruka stared incredulously. "What?"

"It's true. It's just that I'm not-," Kakashi faltered.

"The best at showing emotions? At trying to be nice? At giving compliments properly? At treating like I'm an actual person?" Iruka suggested. Kakashi glared.

"I was going to say that I'm not the best with this relationship type of stuff and I didn't know what to do," he bit out. Iruka just smiled.

A pause. Kakashi looked at him speculatively.

"Can I kiss you?"

"God yes, please!" Iruka laughed as Kakashi pounced on him, pushing him deep into the bed. There was still so much to talk about, still so much to understand about each other, but that could all wait. Iruka shivered as lips teased over the dark mark on his neck. _Yes, until **much** later_.

Thanks for Reading! See that little review button right below? It would be super awesome if you could drop a line for your thoughts :) Reviews make me happy and make me want to write more!


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